- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Why won't lance Armstrong survive 2012 Because he has cancer

why did the mexican beat your ass larry clark III because you live in a apartment with your mom and dad who are black your dad has a truck your mom recked her car

There's a fine line between hyphenated words

When Kurt Cobain was little, his mother told him to never play with guns but I guess it went through one ear and out the other.

hey i just met you and this is crazy so heres my number actually is dolan

What's behind Chuck Norris' beard? His chin

A Christian asks God why there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Everyone around him moves away from the grown man talking to his imaginary friend.

Why did the man put his penis in the baby? Because it's warmer than a watermelon.

roses are red violets suck dick i need a wee

Why the boy doesn't get any birthday presents? he has cancer.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

whats a willy? -brock

What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater!

Why was the turkey killed? Because this particular turkey lived on a farm and a supermarket was paying the farmer a reasonable price to sell it.

On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

Q: Wy did the Araib cross the road? A: To open another gas station.

Whats funnier than 24? 25

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

What did the duck get for Christmas. A potato. Not really it got nothing because it's a duck

Look at mine!............................. ............................. ....................... ............................. ................... ..........................._,-~"¯¯"~-, ............................. ..................... ................__„-~"¯¯:::,-~~-,_::::"- ............................. ..................... ..........„~"¯::::::::::::::"::::::::::::::::::::::\ ............................. ..................... .„„„-"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-, ............................. .............-~"::,-':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::~-, ........................... _~"_-~"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::: :: :::::::::::"-, ......................,~"::::::::::::::¯¯::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,: | ....................:/:::::::::::::::::__-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~":'\'-,:\:|:\|::\|\::\:| ...................,'::::::::,-~~"~"_::',::|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :: :::,~ ':\'-,::',"-\::'':"::::::::\|:|/ ..............._,-'"~----":::/,~"¯"-:|::|::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~"::\'-,:\;;'-';;;;;;;;;;;,-'::\::|/ ............,-'::::::::::::::::'-\~"O¯_/::,'::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-',::\'-,:|::";;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:'-,::\ ............|:::::::::::::::::-,_'~'::::,-'::,':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-':\'-,:\'-,';;';;;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:::'\-,|'' ............|::,-~"::::::::::::::"~~":::,-'::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~':\'-,|:"'";;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'¯::'-,:',\| .........../::/::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,„-~"¯\:\'-,|;''-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'--,::\-:\:\| ........./::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;'-';;;;',/;\/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-,|:::\-,:|\|..\| ......./:::::::\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~'''("-,\:::|\:|::'' ......,':::::::,'::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :,-'/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,--'::::::/"~' .....,'::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,„-~"::|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'::::::::,'::::/ ..../:::::::::|:::::::::::::„---~~""¯¯¯::',:::::,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'::::::::: :: |_,-' ..,'::::::::::::",:,-~"¯::::::::"-,::::::::::|:::/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,':::::::|::::,' ./:::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::\:::|¯¯¯"""~-,~,_/::::::::,':::/ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::|::\: : : : : : |: : \::::::::/:/ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::"-':::\: : : : : : |: : :\::::::\ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::: ::::\: : : : : : \: : : |:::::;;\ ::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::::/|\ ,: : : : : : : |::::,'/|::::| :::::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::"-,_::::::::::\|:/|,: : : : : : : |::: |'-,/|:::| ::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::::::::::::::"~-,_:::"-,/|/\::::::::::: \::: \"-/|::| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,__:::::::::::',"-,:::"_|/\:|\: : : : \::\":/|\| ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_:::::\:::\:::"~/_:|:|\: : : '-,\::"::,'\ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,_:'-,::\:::::::"-,|:||\,-, : '-,\:::|-'-„ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::,-,'"-:"~,:::::"/_/::|-/\--';;\:::/: ||\-, :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :/...'-,::::::"~„::::"-,/_:|:/\:/|/|/|_/:| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |......"-,::::::::"~-:::::""~~~"¯:::| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |........."-,_::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\ .............."~--„_____„„-~~"

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

What is black and blue and really is not in the mood for sex? The new girl at the women's shelter.

What did the Cow say to the Chicken? Nothing animals cant talk

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops