Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Pick up lines: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're wearing a university of Tennessee sweatshirt. If I could rearrange the alphabet to put 'U' and 'I' together, I would not do it because I would have to reorganize all of my alphabetized files. Is it hot in here to you or am I experiencing early signs of a stroke?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A woman walks into a bar She is raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What was the blind man doing before he was strangled? He was breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Chickens want to live in a world where they arent judged for cossing a road ......... K?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? No. You don't need to, it's quite inappropriate.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the mexican order a bean burrito? Because thats his favorite

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is the secret to winning football games? Score the most points.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Other Guy: What are you looking at? Me: You.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road Because it's a free country chickens are free to do as they please

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red, violets are blue my neighbor is black he will jump you too

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red, Violets are unicorns, This s h i t doesn't make sense, Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How much money did the pirate pay for his ear to get pierced? Nothing, given that he is a pirate. It was probably done at gunpoint.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what happens when you punt a baby in between 2 poles? you get 3 points

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q-why did the dog run away? A-he was Michael vick's dog

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Bacon is delcious.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get money out of a Jew? You convince him your cause is worthwhile.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get your children out of a cardboard box? You open the box to see your dead children's corpses

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the black man walk into a bar? To order a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo momma is so fat, when she wears a bathing suit, people are like, wow, that woman is fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a tire swing? A: I don't have a tire swing hanging in my backyard.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops