Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Where did Susie go during the bombing? EVERYWHERE

thumb_up thumb_down +20

a dad farts in the woods nothing else happens

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What can you conclude about a black man in a mercedes? He has crack and car insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll order The Special, what's wrong with you?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats funnier than 2 dead babies? Seinfeld, and I hate Seinfeld.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

With the exception of pigs, both pigs and blue jays can fly

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +18

life is a barrel of tomatoes...unless you paint them blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Two Irish men walks out of a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hey, did u know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans By: Trey & Trenton of Texas

thumb_up thumb_down +18

im gunna build a lego house what shud i make it out of

thumb_up thumb_down +18

knock knock who's there Scott, Scott who, Scott Rollheiser stole my joke and posted it here.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What`s red and smells like blue paint? A sunburned baby drinking green paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the dead baby cross the road? It didn't it's a dead baby!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what's purple and tastes like a grape? a grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Moo! I'm a goat!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what is worse tahn finding a worm in your apple? finding hitler in your house.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops