A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

knock knock whos there ? Jordan Jordan who ? Jordan Walters

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: What's brown and rhymes with snoop? A: Dr. Dre

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: What's worse than eating cauliflowers? A: Eating cauliflowers and getting raped by Jerry Sandusky at the age of 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Getting an STD. What's worse than mixing up the order of the joke and the punchline?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's big and messy? A big mess

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How do you save a black man from drowning? You throw him a flotation device.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? words

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse then precedes to beat the bartender voraciously for making fun of his religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Say silk 5 times. Silk Silk Silk Silk Silk Now what do cows drink? Water.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Devon move out of his mom's house? His mom beats him.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what worse the 2 dead kids in a van 3 dead kids in a van

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A watermelon doesn't scream when you cut it open.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? Get off the roof.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than dropping your ice cream? Getting a virus that slowly deteriorates your body from the inside out.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

a duck walks up to a lemonade stand. thats impossible, because nature says that ducks cannot walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a prison. They're stopped by a gang. Hey, want to play a game? They answer "No thanks, we died in the last joke."

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Sarah limp to school? Because she got hit by a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the best part of a family reunion? The sodomy.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why did bob hit Jim Because bob didn't like Jim

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Sidney Crosby comes face-to-face with Alex Ovechkin. The Penguins were playing the Capitals.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How did the man with no arms or legs cross the street? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops