Why did the corpse come to life? Because number 5 is alive!

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u jelly?

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Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

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What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

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Theres a monkey that walks into a bar. I forget the rest of the joke but your moms a w****

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Why is Helen Keller Blind and Deaf? Because she can't drive!... oh no wait I screwed that up.

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Why couldn't the kitten drink from its water bowl? Its face was stapled to the floor.

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Why did the plane leave late? Because they were out of Kellogg's® Breakfast Cereal.

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What happens to a warehouse on a full moon? Nothing

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A man is writing with a #2 pencil. He looks down and sees that it says "Made in China." He shrugs and continues writing

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. I shot him in the head. With a bullet made of lead. And now he's dead. No more shoe ingestion

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Wow did you see stevie wonder's new house. neither has he

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A father teaches his son to ride a bike. Father: Don't stop or you'll fall. Son: Ok, dad. They have a nice time,

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How many walls can you paint with a baby? Depends on how hard you throw it.

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Q:how do you make a rockstar cry? A: hit him with a breifcase

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roses are red. violets are violet...

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What did the fish say when it hit a wall? Nothing. Fish cannot talk.

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What's the difference between a cat and a banana? Bananas don't scream as much when you peel them.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Hit by a bus Why did the bus driver drop his coffee? He hit the boy

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whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

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Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get to the other side Why did the lollipop cross the road ? It was stuck to the chicken's head Why did the chicken commit suicide ? He couldn't get the lollipop off its head

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Because it's a free country chickens are free to do as they please

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The more I learn to understand myself, the more true I am towards my values the less human I feel. The irony is, that there will always be other humans feelng the same.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops