What did the fat gypsy say to the attractive young woman aged twenty-five? I know you are probably not remotely interested in having sex with me, but I'm afraid that you have no choice due to the fact that I've locked all of the doors.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Heheheheh, Good one, you made me laugh, you just made me realize that it was indeed I that said that to you once, and now you are telling me. I know now, I am happy, not because I seek happiness, but because thinking, finding solutions, guiding myself and others, is what makes me happy. I feel like an alien, because my ideals, my solutions hopes and dreams that grow out of a result of my constant thinking, will never be in this world. Yet I also feel human now, because it could have been, humanity could have succeeded...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A black guy walks into a bar. He falls unconscious and an ambulance is quickly called to bring him to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is pretty, has big tits, talks like a guy, and has a dick? Your mom giving me a handjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

thumb_up thumb_down -10

So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. It was hanging on a clothes line he didn't see.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A. Do you know what they call Bing Crosby in Sweden? B. No. A. Bing Crosby.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

so if you need 20 dollars and you just kicked your cat how old is your mom. cake because you are a 666 member.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

The government

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, I just met you. Nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than stepping on a Lego? Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you say vampire in spanish? Vampiro.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There are only three kinds of math teachers: teachers that can count and teachers that can't count

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmicist.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a stupid anti-joke? Stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

My son made a tree fort, it burned down.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the boy rip out all of his hair? He was insane.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do asians chop their food? CHOPSTICKS! Moral: Yeah that one sucked... ON PURPOSE! Now you dont have to feel inferior ALL the time, you feel equal even though you arent! Ill allow you :D

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did little Johnny fall off his swing? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

how do you get a girl of a swing? puch her off! how do you get her friend of a swing? throw a refridgerator at her!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops