Why couldn't the mexican get a job? He was seven.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy take the train to school? Because he lived quite far away.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Why, apples are the optimum environment for the worm species, offering a stable temperature with the efficiency of nutrition and comortable value, therefore in reality finding a worm in your apple is a healthy suggestion that the Global Warming effects on Earth have not yet affected the ever increasing innocent worm population.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the man drown the fish? He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than stepping on a snail? Stepping on a bear trap.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the chicken cross the road?... it actually didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is similar between women and puzzles? Neither had the right to vote before 1920. Puzzles still don't

thumb_up thumb_down +2

r u smart..... or ur black

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How come grilled cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup! That's not a fly, it's a gnat.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar. He buys a beer, drinks it and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down

Once upon a time, a boy sat on a hedgehog. He abruptly stood up, as the spikes had caused him a certain amount of discomfort.

thumb_up thumb_down

what did the women say when she saw a tiger maul a rabbit? she didn't see it, she was in the kitchen cooking and ironing

thumb_up thumb_down

My penis is big... not.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the black man almost go to jail? He rolled a 6 in monopoly, if it was a 7, he would've been sent straight to jail without passing "go"

thumb_up thumb_down

One kid says I've had threw bottles of water and I haven't had to go to the bathroom. His friend says may have a urinary tract infection.

thumb_up thumb_down

Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

thumb_up thumb_down

What happens when someone with ADD tells a joke? I forgot.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock knock. Whose there? Jehovahs witnesses.

thumb_up thumb_down

What kind of a prediction is THAT?

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops