Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldnt she get up? She had no legs. Knock Knock. Whos There? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is black and white and red all over? a nun that got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A jewish lady is cleaning a house to make some extra money. Its great that she can still find work in this economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If you can't read this, you should think about optical enhancement surgery. If you can, however, you just wasted 5 seconds of your life doing so.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the duck say to the moose? Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +13

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Think of a fruit that isn't an orange ... You're thought of a pear, didn't you?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did the boy with no hands get for christmas Gloves!!! just kidding i dont know he hasnt opened the box yet

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Adam Chebali goes to war and is quickly killed. The rest of the world rejoices as he can no longer post anti-jokes only he thinks are funny and brag about himself on anti-joke.com.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

full house

thumb_up thumb_down +13

two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

roses are red violets are blue i have a big dick unlike you

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats the best part about being alive? Not getting hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was't the Elephant allowed on the Airplane? He didn't have a boarding pass

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man burps while sitting at dinner. Everyone suddenly stops eating and stares at him. How does he get out of it? Answer: He says, "Excuse me."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What was the pirate movie rated? Pg-13

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A golf course

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? It couldn't. Before it could cross, it was killed and then consumed by an average American

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the blonde laugh at the funeral? She suffers from autism, and doesn't understand when it isn't appropriate to laugh. The mourners at the funeral, understanding this problem, ignored her and carried on with the service.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue i cant ryme or spell.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the difference between a dead baby and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was the Jewish man sad? His wife was brutally murdered, His chilren raped, Parents stabbed horrifically and stuffed with turtles and the doctor just informed him that he had cancer and was due to die 17 minutes ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops