What has wings and can't fly? What has legs and can't move? What has mouth and can't eat? A dead bird on the road

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I was going to post some witty jokes, but then I realized they weren't funny.

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Why did the fat man fall off the balcony? He didn't, I pushed him.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

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kknocckkck knockckkckccck hue's theeeair? TTThhe pOOOliCCee. fffor whaaa? yyouu rr arreesstedd forrr drrunkkkc dddrivvinnng! Puuut urerre frreaakkki'n hannnddss uppp!

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A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and ponders why his mother gave him the name, "A neutron."

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Your mother is so stupid she couldn't get a passing score on a standardized test.

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What do you call Bilbo Baggins when you use him for pleasure? Dildo Baggins

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The horse did not reply, because horses cannot talk.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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The other day, I broke my snare drum.... I still haven't fixed it and am planning on doing so soon.

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What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

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Well Erron, its your lucky day then. I wont even ask what a cream pie is.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his monthly car bill is too freaking high and can't afford to take car to work, where all of his co- workers are waiting to tease him!

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting r.aped by a giant scorpion.

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Two gay men walk into a bar. Holding hands.

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What do you call a not as grumpy Jewish man in his mid 30s? Danny. What do you call 5 of his best friends? Arin, Suzy, Barry, Ninja Brian, And Ross. Another possible answer to the 1st question is currently not married.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange Who? Oranges are very good for you and enriched with vitamin C that is apparently good to intake when you are experiencing cold/flu like symptoms during the winter season and your doctor won't give you medication because you aren't sick enough and you already ask for medication to much because you think you are always sick with something. That's what happens when you're a hypochondriac.

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What did the blind, deaf orphan get for Easter? Hepatitis.

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What is the difference between a motorcycle and a football? 42, because ice cream has no bones.

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what does a squid and a worm have in commen they both are animals

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If anyone can read me... I am Michael Jackson and I would really appreciate if someone could get me out of this... box... I mean help! Where am I! I think I have been under a long coma and would appreciate any small boys digging me out... Moral: I hope there is no hell... for my own sake that is...

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What did the fridge say when I opened it? Nothing.

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roses are rose, violets are violet, now shut up you retarded poet!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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