What do you call a deer with no eyes? The victim of a freak genetic mutation and extremely susceptible to predators, meaning it will live a short life in the wilderness.

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Sarah went to church one day and went into the confession booth with her pastor. He made sure nobody was in the church, and proceeded to allow her to confess. He didn't molest her. However, when Sarah got home her abusive stepfather beat her to death in an alcoholic rage and shot himself. It was on the news.

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What do you call two banana's on someone's feet? Garbage.

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How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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The dyslexic man called the black man a ginger.

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Knock Knock. -Who's there ? It's me. -Come in.

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This is a haiku A lovely type of poem It's snowing on Mt. Fuji

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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Your mom is so fat that when she went to the Doctors, He said she was slightly over weight

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What has two legs but can't walk? A quadriplegic man who lost mobility in his legs due to a horrific logging accident.

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Why did someone see a penguin walking in the desert? They were dreaming, because Penguins waddle and live in the Arctic.

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What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? nothing cows cant talk. They did however, exchange glances while chewing grass next to each other.

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Why did Susy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susy.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing Because she had no arms

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What did Santa Clause say to Rudolf? Nothing. Santa's not real.

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21

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How do you upset an Mexican? Kill his entire family.

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roses are red violets are blue dinosaurs are extinct obama is black

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YOU

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What do you call white people that live in a trailer park? Residents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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