Three men sit at a bar. A clown walks in, so the first man says, "Oh, what fresh hell is this?", gets up and leaves. Then a fairy flies in, so the second man says, "Aw, hell no!", gets up and leaves. So the third man was alone with the fairy and clown.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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why did the girl cross the road ? to get run over by a flee of running cows

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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Roses are red violets are blue i heart my toilet Becuase it holds all my POO!!!!!!!!

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A dog walked into a bar. The bartender barked at the dog and the dog replied with, "I don't speak dog language."

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, shes already been told twice

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Whats 1+1? Well,According to John Willemain's Business Analysis: Problem Solving Using Calculus and Finite Mathematics it's 2.

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Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

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No Mom! No! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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4 is half the number 8 is.

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Q: What did the teen mom put her newborn daughter up for? A: Adoption

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HEY EVERYONE THUMBS UP!

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What do you call a black man running down the street? A promising athlete in training.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? James. James who? James from work. Oh, come on in.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

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who has brown eyes blonde hair and red lips a human-being

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What did santa say to the little girl on Christmas Eve? Santa isn't real, but pedophiles are.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

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The Olympics

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What do Micheal Jackson and Niel Armstrong have in common? Armstrong did the earthwalk on the moon and Jackson F#$%ed little boys in the butt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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