What did the hat say to the other hat? Nothing, because hats don't talk, stupid.

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Your mom is so fat, that when she went to the doctor, the doctor told her she had Type II Diabetes.

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Why didn't Anne Frank answer the door? Because it was the German SS.

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What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says: both your legs are broken in 10 places, you will never walk again.

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How do you stop the neighbors kids from jumping the fence into your property? Molest them.

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What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

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What do you get when you eat all potatoes Their all gone

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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Why did a Monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Your mama's so fat, that at her last annual checkup her attending physician informed her that it would be in her best interest to diet and exercise before her obesity manifested itself in a variety of chronic afflictions that would detract from her ability to lead a long life.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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In that case you are probably a bit of an outcast as most girls of your beauty are, you know, you are that kind of girl that feels weird because when she got/gets on the buss EVERYONE stares at her, but nobody dares to say anything, right? And when you are hanging out for a drink or something guys stare at you, and go like "nah" which means "Nah she is too good to want me" and starts hitting on your friends instead. Oh and you also get a lot of rude comments from guys "auto disqualifying themselves" like using complements they know will backfire like "Hey wanna fuck sugart1ts? They do this so they can go home with their ego intact thinking "Hey I was tough enough to hit on her, but she turned out to be a bitch! So does any of this sound familiar?

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You wanna see my secret freckle? NO! How about my butt? What!!!!!!!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 6 is a homophobe and 7 is a little fruity.

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What's the difference between an orange? The horse because the vest has no sleeves.

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Fred used to only visit his parents in the hospitals on weekends, because that was his only free time. Now his parents are dead and he has more free time.

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Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? All the inventory was destroyed.

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Have you seen the painting by Stevie Wonder? It's a Monet and this museum's most prized piece. Just kindly ask Mr. Wonder to step aside a bit.

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Why didnt Santa give the little Girl her Pony? Santas not real.

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Two cows are standing on the top of North Pole and in a half-inch wind they're spanking a bottle of coconut jam. Suddenly two infrared gallopping fly past them. What's the consequence? That people shouldn't use freshly peeled lemoncakes on underwater cornfields.

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Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

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How come the blind black guy couldent read because he is dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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