I went to the doctors the other day for a check up and the doctors says to me "sorry your going to have to stop wanking" and I say to him " what! Why?" and the doctor says "I'm trying to examine you".

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his coat? Where's my coat.

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96

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How do you get money out of a Jew? You convince him your cause is worthwhile.

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I'm wet Ew you perv.. Stop thinking like that ! I just took a shower.

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roses are red. violets are violet...

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There was an american man on the way to work.

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roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you wh*re

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What do you call a puppy that has been left in the cold? A puppsicle

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A man walks into a bar, drinks a few beers, then calls a taxi to take him home because he knew the risks of drunk driving.

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Q-- Why did the boy stop playing football? A -- He had to go for his tea

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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knock knock who's there Scott, Scott who, Scott Rollheiser stole my joke and posted it here.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? He didn't say anything. He died a terrible and painful death on impact.

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knock knock who's there your family just died your family just died who? -.-

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Q: What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head? A: HORSE DICK

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Q: What's the best way to get a woman to stalk talking? A: Ask them nicely.

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Yo mamas so stupid that she has a condition called autism

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hy-way is-way is-thay oke-jay pelled-say eird-way? ecause-bay its-way in-way IGLATIN-PAY

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How do you say vampire in spanish? Vampiro.

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whats worse than 8 babies nailed to a tree? nothing but oca mom is going to be pissed that her kids are nailed to a tree

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Your momma's so stupid that she was declared mentally retarded by her doctors.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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