How do you make a plumber cry? Tell him that Luigi beat him to the princess

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one being irish and the other chinese. now they both happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. so why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china, where as the chinese man had not committed any crime.

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How come the man couldnt read the directions? He was reading it upside down.

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Why did the kitchen cross the road?

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What do you call an Irish man with no legs? Handicapped

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why was it funny that the boy got a razor for christmas because he had leukemia

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? Jews are people

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Why did the little girl die Because she was kidnapped by a rapist, and defiled repeatedly, and then to get a ransom from her family the kidnapper slowly pulled out her fingernails and toenails, and sent them to the family the same thing happened with her fingers, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, teeth, tounge, hair, and eyes, then she died of blood loss after nearly 2 months of torture.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

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What is the same between a turtle and an eagle? They both fly, apart from the turtle.

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What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

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Roses are Red You're Black and Blue My fists seemed to have taken A liking to you

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have difficulty understanding each other.

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What did the duck say to the flag? NOTHING DUCKS CANT SPEAK or flags

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What do you all a dead black man? A corpse.

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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Roses are red Violets are red Oh sh*t the gardens on fire

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I used to take arrows to the knee but then I didn't, for no particular reason.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders 4 shots. The bartender promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him 4 times.

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What would Michael Jackson do if he were in a room full of kids? Nothing, he's dead.

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A blind man walks into a bar. I mean a fence.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I told you she was my Mom, but that didn't stop you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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