text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between hot tea and cold tea? The temperature.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A blind was staring at a girls ass. Her boyfriend promptly bludgeoned the man unaware of his illness.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a bar. It was a metal bar. He got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

girls basketball

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Hey, so I know this guy who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy,who knows this guy's cousin who's name is Mark.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

roses are red violets are blue ur mom just died and u will 2

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? 124

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple??? You... Lol jk no there could be alot of things like getting raped, the holocaust, me killing your children i mean someone killing your children. Because if it was me you would know it was me and file a report and i would be arrested and be sent to jail. And in jail i would try my hardest to stay alive brcause if i died that would suck. I would also try not to drop the soap beacuse i might get rapped by some prisib mate, also the floors are quite dirty and that would guve me any type of bacteirial infection like the stupid yeats infection or maby the persob who takes it from me when i finnish would get aids cause it dropped on the floor and who knows were it was. Then he would die from aids and his wife and or kids would be sad and set up a funeral were a preist would stand in akward silence cause the guy murderd the preists father so he wouldnt be mean an ruin the funeral but he wouldnt say anything nice. But after the funeral the preist would go back home and smoke a cigarette because he has started an unhealthy habbit just like millions of people around the world. When will people learn that it kills you faster than cancer well some cancers are quite quick and painless like a head tumor. But most tumors are able to be saved because the doctors are smart these days coming from yale or havord universitys and what not. Most peopel want to take the easy way out by just working at kinkos or wallmart. Both jobs are shit wich is why im probably going to go there cause no one else will except me in there offices or departments. I think its the fact i look like a pedofile trying to kill babys but you know how life is short and difficult to control but you have one life why waste it. Stupid emo kids trying to cut emselfs and shoot themselfs so they dont have to deal with theirs or their partners periods because the other day coming back from mc donalds this guy almost hit me with his car and threw a cup at me for some strange reason but hey not my problem unless he was my first victim?...... Lol jk i have never killed anyone and im not that creapy... Awks POTATO!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was a black man a Spanish man and an Asian in the back of a police car. The end

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't the mexican feed his family? Because a large percent of mexican immigrants in the United States do not have jobs due to dicrimination against illegal immigrants crossing the soutern border, thus rendering them more vunerable to unemployment is that is vastly present in the United States.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock! Who's there? The doorbell repair man.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock whos there? Its me, your doorbell is obviously broken Okay, hold on a sec. Please hurry up, its really cold I cant seem to find my key Its probably on the coffeetable, where you always keep it. No, its not there Check the floor underneith Oh, right, there it is.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do everytime I go to toilet for number 2. I look into the toilet to see if this one's nicer than the last one.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the man full? He ate a meal.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the pear say to the orange? Orange ya gonna say hi? What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What does Kim Kardashian and a Navy Vessel have in common? They are both full of seamen!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red violets are blue when i flush the toilet i see you :)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man in the desert? Whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You're*

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Nicolas Cage

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is a highly unlikely circumstance due to the fact that there are no wild chickens and most chicken coops are nowhere near a road

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he's stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops