Q: Why was the baby crying? A: I kicked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

fallow me on twitter #ieatveloceraptorsfordinner

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Want to hear an urban legend? There's a straight feminist.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man is driving down a back country road in an old beat up car going 30 mph when he notices a black horse and a white horse keeping pace with him. They keep up with him for a few miles before passing him and turning into a farm on the road. The man is quite impressed with the horses speed and follows them to the farmer and offers the farmer living there the horses in exchange for the car. The farmer says the horses are bad luck but accepts the trade, and the man walks off with the horses. The man then enters the horses in a big horse race and puts a lot of money on them. The horses immediately take the lead and are about to finish the race when the black horse trips and the white horse goes back to pick him up and end up losing. The man is furious and returns the horses to the farmer and gets his car back. The next day another man is driving in a nicer car down the same road going 50 mph when the black horse and the white horse run right past his car. Impressed with the horses speed the man trades his car to the farmer who warns him about the horses. Ignoring the farmer's warning the man enters the horses in a new race. The horses once again take the lead and are close to finishing first and second when the black horse trips and the white horse goes and picks him up again once again losing their lead. The man angrily returns the horses in exchange for his car. The next day a third man drives down the same road in a brand new sports car. While he's testing the limits of the car the horses catch up to him and run with him. Surprised by the speed of the horses the man speeds up in his car but the horses manage to keep up. The horses eventually run past the man and turn into their farm, and the man looks down and realizes that the horses had been running faster than 120 mph. The man goes to the farmer and offers his car in exchange for the horses. The farmer accepts but gives the man the same warning he gave the two men earlier. The new man just like the other two men ignores the warning and enters the horses into a race and bets a lot of money on them. This time the horse take the lead out of the gate but feet from the finish line the white horse trips and falls. The black horse seeing this goes back and helps him up once again losing the race. The man is disgusted and releases the horses into the city in hopes that they'll die out there. The two horses are wander into a bar, and the bartender looks at them and says: "hey you two why the long face?"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's green and has wheels? a green car.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the man Iorn his face? Because he felt like it.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because his work office was there and if he had not crossed, he would have had to get back in his car and parked in the company parking space therefore taking more time and costing a small but significant amount of money

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How did the little boy die? A speeding moving truck took a sharp turn, the locks on the doors broke open and a huge office desk flew out and crushed the boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What does Chuck Noris have under his beard? A chin

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Are you from Tenessee? I heard you were from there

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's worse then falling up the stairs? Ketchup

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and a thousand in the ash tray.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knok ! Whos there? Buhu ! Buhu Who? Why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

when life throws you lemons your an idiot because it wont

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happened to the man who lost his left arm, left leg and eye in an accident? I expect he claimed insurance, assuming he was prudent enough to insure himself, or his workplace complied with legislation.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

"It's A Bird!!!" "It's A Plane!!!" "No, It's not either of those things."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

knock knock who's there doctor doctor who No

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the Cow say to the Chicken? Nothing animals cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? Because skeletons don't have eyes, and can not watch movies.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is chewy and tastes like gum? Chewing gum.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops