What does it mean if you have 5$ and Chuck Norris has 5$? Congrats! You both have five dollars!

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? Because they often have to interact with violent and distrustful criminals.

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Q: How do you make scrach paper? A: Take a paper and scrach it.

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Why was the man waiting at the bus stop? He was on his way to work

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knock knock whos there ? Jordan Jordan who ? Jordan Walters

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http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

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Who thinks amy mc quire is really stuiped

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What does Santa Claus keep in his gardening shed? Nothing. Santa Claus isn't real.

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An Asian, white, and a black man decide to play Russian Roulette. The Asian goes first and shoots himself in the head. The white man picks up the gun for his turn. The black man runs down the street screaming. Cops see him and the white man holding the gun, both are sent to jail for life for the murder of their friend.

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What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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What do you call a fish that isn't moving? Dead.

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I'M THE GRAPIST!! I'M GONNA GRAPE UR MOM AND UR DAD AND UR WHOLE FAMILY!!!

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Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

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What is funnier than 24? 25! hahahahahaha!

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So a guy walks into a bar. It hurt really bad. He was pissed, so he went home and took his seal to a club.

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Q: How do you stop a baby from crying? A: You hit it with brick.

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why did the grinch steal christmas? The grinch had a rough childhood. he had an abusive father and a crack cocaine addicted mother, and as a result, the grinch never got a christmas of his own. The grinch steals the happiness of christmas from the who's becuase his horrible childhood has caused him to take his anger out on everyone around him, because the grinch believes that this will make up for his depressing childhoofd

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Chrysanthemums our orange violettes are musical

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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What's worse than slipping on a bannana peel? The Gestapo. Go to Aushwitz now.

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how do you kill a giraffe? you don't.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Hit by a bus Why did the bus driver drop his coffee? He hit the boy

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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