What's long, hard, and filled with semen? A submarine

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How do you get a boy out of bed, you cut off his fingers.

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What has two legs and can't walk. Someone thats paralyzed!

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Why are there cookie's in the jar? 'Cause I put cookies in the jar

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Q: If Hitler spots a jew, what will he do? A: You suck at history dude, Hitler is dead! Moral: What? You did not get the daily news?

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Why did the n i g g e r steal money? because he was black! and wanted a KFC thanksgiving! :)

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what did the cat say to the monkey meow then he got hit by a car

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He looked both ways and saw there was no traffic.

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What did the rapist say before the little girl got in the van? Get in the van

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says: both your legs are broken in 10 places, you will never walk again.

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

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So, there's a lion loose in Colchester. Should've gone to Specsavers... [L]

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Roses are red Violets are red The trees are red Oh crap, the garden's on fire.

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Why did Steve refuse to have sex with a black guy? Because Steve is heterosexual.

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they are all dead.

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Why did the man paint his dog blue? He has some strange mental condition and is incapable of controlling his own actions.

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Guy at computer: My computer won't turn on. Help desk Guy: Did you try restarting. Guy at computer: No. The help desk guy hangs up and the guy at the computer proceeds to cry because he has failed.

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kieran scott has a huge back

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? he was epileptic

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Why can't men give birth? Because men do not not have the reproductive organs required to give life to a new born child.

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What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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