Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red OH SH*T MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!

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What's black and blue and lives in a kitchen? A 1940's housewife.

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a bumble bee walked into a bar, looking tired and worn out. 'long day, eh?' said the barman. 'yes' replied the bee. 'i was flying along to collect some honey when i noticed a large obstical obstructing me. i stuck my pointy needle in it, and according to legend, i will die in short hours to come' suddenly michael jacksons thriller flicked on in the jukebox, the bumble bee boogied all night long until he slowly passes away in the early hours of the morning. long live boogie bee.

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Q:Whats worse than a worm in apple? A:The Holocaust. Q: What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: Were both lawyers! :D Q: What happens when you throw a purple rock in to a green river? A: It splashes

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Congress back then: No sooner had I ended this prayer than a pederast farted on my right. "Hah! a good omen," said I, and prostrated myself; then I burst open the door by a vigorous push with my arse, and, opening my mouth to the utmost, shouted, "Senators, I wanted you to be the first to hear the good news; since the war broke out, I have never seen anchovies at a lower price!"

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What is pretty, has big tits, talks like a guy, and has a dick? Your mom giving me a handjob.

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Whats Black and blue My wife after i beat her ass.

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Why did the white girl fuck the mexican? Because her teacher told her to do an "essay"

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What's good? Anything that is not bad.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a drawer? 10 25* *if you use a blender

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What kind of cheese doEs god like? Swiss cheese because it's holy!

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"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" "I'm not quite sure, but your on fire."

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a man walked into a bar ouch

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What do you call a black astronaut? It depends on what his name is.

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YO MAMMA IS SO STUPID, she was recently diagnosed with severe mental retardation and will have to be cared for 24/7

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it got out of it coop and there was something shinny on the other side of the street.

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What kind of nun would never drink milk? One who suffers from a severe lactose intolerance.

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Why did little Johnny fall off his swing? He had no arms.

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men

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A gay man takes another gay man home after a wild night at the city's top club. They choose to be safe and not have gay sex.

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dude... what would you do if i punched you in the face? i would pee on you

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What do you call a dozen Muslims waiting to board a train? Passengers...you racist.

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Why does it take more than one blond to replace a light bulb? Because one had no arms, thus requiring the help of another person. It just so happened that that other person was a blond.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops