Q:What's the difference between a turtle and a cat? A: One's a turtle and the other is a cat....

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? 1 dead babies in 10 trees.

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A lawyer gets admitted to a bar.

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What is small and gives people courage? Certain kinds of illegal drugs

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light-bulb? Probably one. Replacing a light-bulb is a pretty simple task which any person (regardless of ethnicity) should be able to do without assistance.

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Q: Why did the bird fall out of the tree? A: It died. Q: Why did the snake fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the bird. Q:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure.

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What's spotty, can be found everywhere and is largely unpopular? Nothing.

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Your mother was a hamster, And your father smelt of ElderBerries!

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Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

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Why did the baboon fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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What's purple and gross? Purple gross stuff

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What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

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Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction, amirite?

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Why couldn't Sarah see through her telescope? She was blind

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Police Officer: Please step out of the car, sir Jimmy: Xbox...

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In that case you are probably a bit of an outcast as most girls of your beauty are, you know, you are that kind of girl that feels weird because when she got/gets on the buss EVERYONE stares at her, but nobody dares to say anything, right? And when you are hanging out for a drink or something guys stare at you, and go like "nah" which means "Nah she is too good to want me" and starts hitting on your friends instead. Oh and you also get a lot of rude comments from guys "auto disqualifying themselves" like using complements they know will backfire like "Hey wanna fuck sugart1ts? They do this so they can go home with their ego intact thinking "Hey I was tough enough to hit on her, but she turned out to be a bitch! So does any of this sound familiar?

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Why did the jewish man pick up a nickel on the street? Because he understands the value of saving money.

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Why did the old man fall off his bicycle? Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

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Take off your shoes.

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Do you like fishsticks No

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How do you get a pirate out of your seat? Politely ask him to move for you were there first.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gun store to buy a gun. After years of abuse and mockery, he was tired of being called "chicken", and was going to shoot up the entire school

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A Man buys a Prius. Hated it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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