What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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What's the difference between an elephant and I?Our mass.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing. Muffins are incapable of speaking.

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A blonde is standing on the edge of a 20-story building. He's had a rather rough life.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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hey

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why was the little girl afraid of the dark because she was brutally raped in the dark when she was 4.

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knock knock who's there? bell bell who? bellend

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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what little black and can make a woman scream a womans dead roting baby

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What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

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A baby walks into a bar, the whole bar applaudes for the baby boy who just took his first steps.

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Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with her left hand? Because her right hand was tired.

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What is black and gray? This rectangle and this text.

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I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

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What happens if you fight Chuck Norris? You might lose or win.

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roses are grey violets are grey im colorblind but your face is still black!!!

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You might be a redneck if you spent all day in the sun without sunscreen.

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What's worse than ten dead babies? Not much.

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Why did Uncle Monty shove his head up a horses arse? Because it gave Doris an erection. She chose to keep her male genital organs following her gender changing procedure, so that she could still father children.

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How do you get rid of a stalker? You throw a fridge at them!

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Why I the kid still at school? His mom was brutally run over by a car

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Q) You know how I know your gay A) Cuz your gay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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