What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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Once upon a time, I was a Muslim.

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fack me in the ace! CC

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How many morman minutes does it take to get to school? A lightyear

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So a guy walks into a bar. It hurt really bad. He was pissed, so he went home and took his seal to a club.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. Where's my tractor?

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Why do people poke people on facebook? Because they have no friends and will die alone

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What did the fish say when it hit a wall? Nothing. Fish cannot talk.

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Why are their so many lesbians? cause they LOVE the pussy.. (Tastes soo wet and tight)

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Samraj.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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What number is funnier than 23? 24.

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Your mom is soooo fat..... She'll most likely suffer a heart attack

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What's funnier than the world ending? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a staring contest.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll order The Special, what's wrong with you?

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Whats brown and sticky? A stick

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Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

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Why did the mailman cross the road? To deliver mail

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If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

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Why do women have boobs? So they can feed their newborn children without paying for expensive formula

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Darkness Falls Across The Land The Midnite Hour Is Close At Hand Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood To Terrorize Y'awl's Neighbourhood And Whosoever Shall Be Found Without The Soul For Getting Down Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell The Foulest Stench Is In The Air The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom And Though You Fight To Stay Alive Your Body Starts To Shiver For No Mere Mortal Can Resist The Evil Of The Thriller

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A blonde girl gets in a bad car accident . A man stops on the side of the road to help her . She is panicking The man gets out a piece of chalk and draw a small circle. He says "Do not step out of this circle" The man smashes her car with a baseball bat She giggles He rolls her car down the hill, She laughs Her car is on fire , She is cracking up He yells " WHAT IS SO FUNNY " She says , "I stepped out of the circle three times when you weren't looking"

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Mark Wilson

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having enough money to buy an apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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