What's black and hangs from trees? tires ...and black people

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What smells like shit and is covered in cheese? Sean's pizza socks.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: What do you call a black pilot? A: A pilot, you racist

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Actually 6 wasn't afraid of 7 because numbers have are not living things, therefore have no consciousness or emotions, meaning that numerical digits can not have a fear or be afraid of another number.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing. Muffins are incapable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What does the cup-cake say to the cake? Do you want a cup in your cake to make it cup-cake?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why is your face? Because.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many Mexicans can you fit into a car? The bathroom is on the left, mam.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

knock knock who's there? bell bell who? bellend

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

A baby walks into a bar, the whole bar applaudes for the baby boy who just took his first steps.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. No he doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

A baby seal walked into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What is black and gray? This rectangle and this text.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man walks into a bar.... no wait! It's a horse! A man walks into a horse...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Knock knock ... KNOCK KNOCK ... I guess nobody's home.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What is Green and taste like an apple? An Apple

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the black man die? He drove off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops