Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man is on a date. His philandering causes a bitter divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was Sally's dad crying? Because Sally got raped. Why was Sally crying? Her dad raped her.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What happened when the man was about to hug the sexiest person he ever saw in his life? He hit the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do you call a young man? a little boy

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was homeless and dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats plastic and little boys turn it on? A game cube, and Michael Jackson. Well maybe not anymore since hes dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock knock. Who's there? Apple. Apple who? Apple juice.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken crossed the road accidentaly as chickens are absent minded.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Two birds fly onto a bench. They cherp 3 times and sit there enjoying the nice weather.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: Whats the longest book in the library A: Understanding Women

thumb_up thumb_down -14

KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were it belongs.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

69

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a man man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob(he is bobbing in the water)

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the "gangster" looking black guy ask the white guy he approached randomly on the street? "Excuse me sir, are you aware of the injustices done toward the jewish community that has been the decline of western society since the reclamation proclamation?"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

There is a man who is half black half Jewish. He walking up a hill really fast. What happens to him? Answer: The Jewish side of his body will fall off and the black side will walk away.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did ryan go to bed? because he is a growing boy and need it to keep in line for his study's i lied about him sleeping hes dead he was abducted

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's poor and lives in Newry city council dump? Smelly mcD

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you cripple a fireman? You push him down the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

The big male boar went out the forest, saw a group of women and start to swank.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops