What do you call a guy with newmonya? Not good at spelling

thumb_up thumb_down -6

The skeleton walks into a bar. Everyone is confused and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

thumb_up thumb_down -6

They say those with anti-humour are the wisest.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your mom is so fat, she got obese and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How did the man jumping out of the plane at 33,000 feet survive? Because he had a parachute

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? A: A dog

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i lost the game

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chuck Norris was once engaged by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is green and looks like Grass? A painting of grass

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what did the black man say to the white girl? He respectfully asked her out on a date and theyve been happily dateing ever since.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

how many black people are... wait stereotypical jokes are for fags

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the little gril with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was the squirrel late for work? Because the traffic was nuts!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is the opposite of Christopher Walkins? Christopher Reeves

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a pool.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Moral"We all miss someone sometimes during our life, but just remain patient as you aim again, reload and hit that someone!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Pizza's don't scream when there in then oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why didn't Helen Keller drive? With all that time she spent learning how to read and write despite being blind and deaf, authoring numerous books, and being a prolific political activist; she simply did not have the substantial time to acquire a driver's license.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the table say to the human? Nothing, tables don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops