Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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What's worse than shoveling dead babies??? Using a pitchfork...

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Where can you find elephants? That depends on where you leave them.

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Hitler arrives at his neighbor's barmitzfah... fashionably late.

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What was the mentally challenged kids first word? He was retarded so it wasn't a word.

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roses are red violets are blue your sister is pretty what happend to u??

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What's green and blue that is shaped like the earth? The earth

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Why did the woman lie down? She was dead

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What do elephants have that no other animal has? Baby elephants.

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Why didn't God show up to Jesus' bar mitzvah? Because he doesn't exist.

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What did the little boy say after he was pushed off the cliff? Nothing. He died, therefore, he is incapable of speaking.

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There was a girl who was allergic to peanuts she ate peanuts and died the next day. She got hit by a bus.

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A man walks into a pet store. He then says "This isn't the bar" and leaves.

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Womens Rights

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Roses are red, viotels are blue. God made me pretty, what happened to you?

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What is big and wet and smells like mushrooms? A big wet mushroom.

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Every time im sad, I think of a T-Rex trying to put on a hat.

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Johnny walked up to his teacher one day and asked her to explain to him how babies were made. She instead whispered back to him, "Let me show you". He declined, because he wasn't prepared to be a father.

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What do you do when someone tries to rob you at gunpoint Well first thing you have to do is think why am I in this situation? Then what can I do to avoid this again Finally think about how you're going to pay your medical bill. You were to busy thinking, to notice you just got shot and robbed.

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What's sad about 5 black men falling off a cliff? The master has no slaves.

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What's the difference between a fine wine and a dead baby in a blender? One gets better as it ages, and the other is a horrific accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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