What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' Thats fantastic for Peter Piper

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I think people who go to see a psychiatrist need their head examining.

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If a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does God exist?

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What did the old man catch at a baseball game? Aids.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

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What does the man do to his meat? He beats it.

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What's blue and says "Good morning" A blue sign that says good morning

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Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

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How did the two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for half an hr? They didn't and they died.

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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why are black people so good at basketball? Because all they have to do is shoot, steal, and run.fctswity (sultably

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Q: How do you make a black man nervous? A: Threaten to kill his family.

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A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

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Who were the fastest readers of all time? The victims of 9/11. They went through over 87 stories in less than 2 1/2 minutes.

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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If she is under the age of 18 years old and is identified by your state as a minor, shes too young for you bro.

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Why did the corpse come to life? Because number 5 is alive!

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. Because, often, friends go out together in social situations.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

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What do you call a man with 3 arms, 6 ears, 9 fingers, and a red clown nose? His name.

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What's worse than slipping on a bannana peel? The Gestapo. Go to Aushwitz now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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