How do you kill chuck norris? With a gun...from 40 feet away

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why don't elephants eat bananas? Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What color was the duck? It had one foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the German say when the whole of India blew up: "Wow, das muss eine gewaltige Explosion haben! Wie haben sie das geschafft?"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One splatters and makes a big red mark on the ground when dropped from a building. The other is a fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's something 9/10 people enjoy? A gang rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Ryan O'Sullivan likes to suck his own penis. - Ryan O'Sullivan.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well that, my friend, is a good question.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call an African American on the moon? An astronaut

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a man man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob(he is bobbing in the water)

thumb_up thumb_down -7

WHAT'S LESS THAN 0? FIONN'S DIGNITY AFTER HENRY'S

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When life gives you lemmons Give lemmons Life

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings What is worse than 2 bee stings? The Holocaust What is worse than the Holocaust? 3 bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Doctor, I am afraid of getting sexually abused. Hmm, sounds serious, take off all your clothes so we can get a proper look.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between a duck? One of it's feet are both yellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the difference between a rock and a baby? You can't have sex with the rock.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is the difference between a black guy and a bucket of shit? The black guy is a sentient human being, and the bucket of shit is just a metal container filled with feces

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats worse then getting stabbed in the trachea by a aids infected knife? getting pounded anally by satan

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Cause 7 was a petophile and 6 has four children

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats worse than dying? Nothing.....?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops