rosses are red voilets are pinkey your mams pussy is really stinky

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How do you tell identical twins apart? You can't. They look identical.

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What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

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A man walks into a bar. The man says,"ouch, how could I have not seen the bar."

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Shoulda had a V8 ...or not because I am severely allergic to tomato's.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A random guy walks into your house and says hi. You say SHUTUP

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what do you call a screwdriver that thinks it'sa hammer? a screwdriver

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What did the ginger say to the blond? Hello, what is your name?

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"? Very similar to the definition of a shame, but moreso.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It's abusive father punted it.

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Two Blondes walk into a bar. They each enjoy a refreshing drink before heading home to greet their family

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What happened to the cat that fell in the bath? It jumped out feeling cold and embarrassed.

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What looks like a chair but isn't? A picture of a chair.

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your mama is so greasy she should go take a bath

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What did the scientist call a spider? An arachnid.

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why was six afraid of seven? seven was a sex offender

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Pineapples have a smaller volume than the sun

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Knock knock Who's there? No Who is over there

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What does an unemployed black man and a mexican have in common? They both like to shop at forman mills because they have reasonably priced clothing items.

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like there's two of me! There's not. Your long lost twin died of terminal cancer.

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Whats worse then Justin Bieber? It's a trick question, there's is nothing worse than her

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Why can't Hellen Keller play hide and go seek? Because she is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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