Why did the man die? He got shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

im jacob, i have as much hair on my penis as mr macs head.....none.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A black man walks into a bar and treated with equal care

thumb_up thumb_down +15

THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE! THE SALAMANDER IS NOT A REPTILE!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a fat old hobo named da'shovant'e ate a bucket of fried chicken then killed a little girl named poopface McFergusen

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know where I am, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why could the boy not stop shaking? He has Parkinsons Syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the duck eat the chicken noodle soup? The duck was told that if he ate the chicken noodle soup on Fear Factor he would win $10,000. What he failed to realize was that he forgot to sign page 16 on the episode contract and did not win any money and was sued by Campbell's soup for copyright infringement.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A cow walks into the butcher shop, he looks around then mourns the loss of his brothers

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats the quickest way to a woman's heart? A bilateral incision on the upper left region of the sternum.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If you're happy and you know it go to hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you make a girl wet? Throw her in the pool

thumb_up thumb_down +15

i ate and i ate and i was sick on the floor 8x8=64

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happens when a rabbit is late for a very important date? Nothing, rabbits have no logical way to keep track of time.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A woodchuck could chuck wood but a woodchuck couldn't chuck Norris because Norris isn't a type of wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why do Chinese people have flat faces? Air bags.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the man follow the law? He didn't want to get arrested

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You ask a German how long it takes to go from Berlin to Amsterdam. He replies, ''About four hours by tank."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the same between a school bus and a grape? They're both purple. Except for the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops