- Anti Joke

Roses are red Violets are blue I like to slap hookers

why did the indian kill the buffalo? he was suffering from a psychological disorder and took to killing innocent animals in order to relieve the pent up rage caused by repressed memories of childhood abuse.

wat is the difference between rainbows and poop? I LOVE RAINBOWS!

A man using Apple Maps walks into a bar. Or maybe a hospital... or possibly a church.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was free-range.

What happened to the boy who spilled his fruit punch on the president? He was offered a new one compliments of Obama himself.

What do you call a dog with 4 legs? A dog.

What do a turtle and a tree have in common? They both can fly except for the turtle............and the tree

Knock knock Who's there? No one you care bout so why did u say who's there?

Why are Ethiopians so fast? Because antelope are also very fast.

whats worse than getting in a car crash Heroshema

After saving my own life after killing my father, and saved my wife by killing my mother I feel free from their burden on my shoulders and am ready to face life... Yet in the back of my skull I keep thinking "After this anti-joke of a life, I wonder what`s next"... ...And HELL I AM READY FOR WHATEVER COMES! I SAVED MY OWN LIFE BY KILLING MY FATHER, I SAVED MY WIFE BY KILLING MY MOTHER (and breaking the wrists and legs kneecaps of her "boyfriend" as he attacked me, My father broke a vertebrae in my neck which has left my back twisted and in constant pain, my mother chopped of my arm when I was six and proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it leaving me with an ortopedic arm! WHAT THE FUCK COULD TAKE ME DOWN NOW? WHAT THE FUCK CAN STOP THE DEMON THAT IS LEFT IN ME! So MERRY Mtherfcking Christmas... My wife`s mother gave me 3000 dollars for christmas (deposited in account already) while my parents FORGOT my birthdays, and "forgot" to get me anything for christmas WHILE STILL GIVING MY BROTHER CHECKS AND PLANE TICKETS FOR HIM (AND HIS FRIENDS! Not me) FOR CHRISTMAS! They did however always invite me to my brothers birthday... Which is EXACTLY TEN DAYS AFTER MINE! I STOPPED REMINDING THEM OF THAT after they not only beat the SHIT out of me and WATERBOARDED me for reminding them... But also forgot it already the VERY NEXT DAY! They "bought" me christmas presents after I began working... WITH MY OWN MONEY! Not only that but they would get me a gift of 50 bucks while drawing out several thousand dollars from my account! SOME XMAS GIFT! Then my father faked my signature and withdrew 30.000 dollars from my savings... So a strange, salt liquid substance is dropping from my eyes as I actually get money and not permanent scars and crippling injuries while getting mugged from my mother in law instead... Which proves (at least to my psychiatric evaluator) that I am not insane nor a psychopath, but a caring guy with a fucked up life... Make no mistake though, step on my foot, and I will break yours and stick them up your ass... I am fucking scared of joining my wife and her family for christmas dinner, but what I fear today is bullshit compared to the torture which was my life until it was discovered that I was covering up for my mothers cocaine abuse and I was finally released from prison... (which was a great stay which I volutarily took as was 17 year old to get away from my mother). SO MERRY FUCKlNG XMAS EVERYBODY! Nero "Moral Man" aka Black Metal. My followers no longer call me twisted metal after hearing why I killed my "mommy and daddy". I am done with my rant, the nightmares might continue, but at least the age where I long for them rather than facing reality are over, so no more stories about how I broke my fathers skull and chocked my mother (one handed, remember the other is and ortopedic one because she chopped it off)... Nah, that is in my past. Judge me, hate me, find me and challenge me for a fight (rather do not) but dont tell me I am not metal as fuck. Oh and thumb me down, no seriously it makes me cry, yeeeeeees of course, seriously! Dont make me laugh... And I am a lawyer... Classes in prison (got an extended sentence for killing two guys there because they where going to rape me) So the future looks no darker than the future of a lawyer once again looking for a job... Nice try fucking me over family...

why was 6 jealous of 7? 7 had a huge dick.

why did the ginger get made fun of? because he had red hair

What happens when you park a new Cadillac with a roll of $100 dollar bills on the dashboard in a black neighborhod? Many residents of that peaceful community will briefly glance at it and admire the wealth of the automobile's owner.

Why did the little boy cry regularly? Because his father was sexually abusive.

What do you call a man with no heart? Dead

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It got shot. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital due to a large aneurysm that has burst in his brain because he walked into the bar.

Knock Knock. Whose there. We have a warrant for your arrest.

Q: what happed to the squirrel that lost his nuts? A: it died

what bounces and is blue all over? a blue bouncy ball

Why did the handicap man scream for help? Because he fell out of his wheel chair

What do you call a kid on crutches? Crippled

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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