Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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Why did Devon move out of his mom's house? His mom beats him.

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Why did the dinosaurs die out? Because you touch yourself at night.

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when a midget takes weed, does he get high or medium???

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A Pilot

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What's black and bleeding? Who cares?

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A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

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What is another way to call a procrastinator? Avery annoyed and bored child who does not want to do her homework and is looking up many different anti-jokes for a laugh. You know who you are...

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Why did the little kid color outside the lines? He had Parkinson's Disease.

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Pi = Pie, something everybody likes.

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'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' Thats fantastic for Peter Piper

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One time I masturbated by myself

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That's what she didn't say

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Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

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How did the man with no arms or legs cross the street? He didn't.

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I saw a woman get donkey punched in the middle of the street. Nero the clit collector: You know... What is it called when A donkey kinda lifts its front hoove and hits a woman? ...WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE OF YOUR COIN COLLECTION? YOUR STAMPS ARE MURDER! (or something) At least my uh... "Friends" survive... SOMETIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! ...And then I kill them.

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What did the president say after his wife and kids left Him? Im Obama self now

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Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

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Trashcan!

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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why was the man gay? Because its not a choice. its a lifestyle.

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Why did the little boy have a gun pointed at his head? Because he hated his life and wanted to kill himself.

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A turtle that couldn't swim walked to Japan.

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If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around, does anyone really care?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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