How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Your flying on a canoe, and one of the wheels breaks off. How many pancakes does it take to fix it? Trick question there is a gorilla on board.

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What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

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Q: What did the doctor say to his wife? A: Penis.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

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Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

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Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road? Because it got hit by a bus

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the deaf girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was Jewish

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Women's rights

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Roses are Black, Violets are Black, I am Ray Charles

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Hurr durr, I shit my pants.

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A young boy walked into a hardware store and asked for a long weight. Luckily, the shop owner was kindly and brought the child up to speed on the process of hazing.

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You know its time to leave when she wake's up out of her coma and your balls are on her chin.

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You're so sweet I have diabetes

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How did the black man burn down the house. He threw a flaming match through the window.

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road A Nobody knows why because nobody is psych

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Twilight is so bad, I read it and personally didn't like it as a book.

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Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops