Knock knock Who's there? The chicken that crossed the road

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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how do you kill justin bieber? put a bag over his head and suffercate him.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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a jew walked into a bar-mitzvah

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What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

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POOP.....People Order Our Patties

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How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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What happens when you throw a blue rock into red water? It gets wet...

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Q: What did Batman say when Robin was in the Batmobile? A: Robin, get out of the Batmobile.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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why did the girl slap joe? he had a boner.

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whats brown and sticky? whatever is coming from your pants

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What's in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a helicopter.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back at her

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Why was the black man drowning? His boat sank.

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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A man walks into a meat shop. Man: I bet you $20 you can't reach the meat on the top shelf. Butcher: The steaks are too high

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How are Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga similar? They are both men except Justin Beiber

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless he's a witch doctor, then you'll need an apple and some ayaheusca. The fractal dream will destroy time and space as consciousness returns upon itself at times end

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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