a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

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No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

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What's big, yellow and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A JCB!

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What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

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Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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Why did Superman cross the road? I dunno.

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What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says: Dad, can I borrow 50 dollars? The dad responds: 40 dollars?!? What are you going to do with 30 dollars?!?

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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Knock knock Whos there? Knock knock Who's there? Knock knock Who's there?! "is anyone home this is Helan Keller"

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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why shouldn't you get a clown angry? Because they'll yell at you.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was tired of the publicity his friend, the chicken was getting for crossing the road that he wanted to do it himself. Halfway across the duck was wistfully hit by a car and sadly, his story is lesser known and 99% of the people in this world really don't care about him. Thumbs up if you're that 1% that shows sympathy toward the duck.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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Any similarity between Jesse and a human is purely coincidental!

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A man walks into a bar and orders two shots the bartender then picks up his shotgun and gives it to him

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Yo Momma is not fat.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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on a planet, in a galaxy, far far away... you have cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops