What would an ice hockey player do if the ice melted? Walk off, as the ice is only 3/4 of an inch thick.

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That's funnier than a zebra climbing the Eiffel tower with Bill Clinton on the 4th night of quanza

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

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roses are red violets are blue I can't rhyme refrigerator

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How long can penguins hold their breath underwater? Long enough for you to eat a baby and then cover for it.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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some weirdo nerd was just convicted of a hit and run Just kidding. All he did was suffocate your dad with a whoopee cusion.

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Jews

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how do you stop a black man from drowning take your foot off his head

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An African american man fell out of a boat at sea. He swam back to the boat.

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what is worse finding a worm in your apple? Finding a grub in your apple.

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what did the dead guy say to the boy? nothing he is dead.

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Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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ok last night i found a pic of romney saying "if i win the election 8 million people will have no job" then Obama says hey romney now that i won the election it would be 8 million and one stupid.

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Can I have a dollar? I don't know, can you?

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Why was the girl talking to the trashcan? Her entire family was killed in a forest fire. She was the only who made it out but she had several scars and burns. For six years she had no family to talk to. She then gathered an obnoxious amount of cheaply made plastic trashcans and painted her entire family on the trashcan and proceeded to talk to it. For several years now she has been in deep conversation with the trashcan. She then attempted to ask the trashcan a series and intense question in which the trashcan did not respond to. The girl grew very frustrated with the trashcan because it did not answer her question so she angrily threw it off the side of a cliff in the middle of the woods. To answer the question above, as the trashcan was violently falling off the cliff, the girl yelled, "See you next FALL"

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What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

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What is white and can fly? A fridge that can't fly.

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A Black man is running down the street with a T.V. He just bought it with the money he is getting from his recent promotion to partner at a local Law firm. He is running because he had to park far away and wanted to get out of the rain.

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Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? I can cook a pizza.

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What is the difference between a car accident and being on your period? A period is less bloody.

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What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

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What do you call a boy with one eye and no arms. -Mean names.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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