What rhymes with orange? Somalia.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Jesus: I will return. Hitler: Well I am back... Nazi as in Nazireth Bush: As I said I was elected by Gawd. Me: What? What about me? Seriously why did I put myself here? Id have three bullets with them in a room, and id still shoot you six times.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Justin's humor

thumb_up thumb_down +39

*spongebob voice* 25

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did princess diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Does this napkin chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: Why did little Johnny not like little Suzie? A: He was a homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why wasn't the cab driver sent to prison after bombing the school? It was a suicide bombing.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Loading....please wait.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Knock, knock. Who's there? I am.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Did you hear about the dyslexic that choked on his own vimto?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the little boy rush downstairs to the living room on Christmas morning? because he heard his mother screaming rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the road cross the chicken? REVENGE

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are Red I shit in your Stew When you eat it The joke is on you

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happened to your face? I walked into a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is better than a 50-inch wide plasma flat screen TV? A 51-inch wide plasma flat screen TV.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: None. Woodchucks have herbivorous diet mainly consisting of wild grasses, berries, as well as agricultural crops when they are available.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Baking a cake can be very hard and stressful, just like beating a slut with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the Mexican, the European, and the Canadian all have in common? They weren't used in this joke the last time someone posted it on anti-joke.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Ill wait for you as long as you need Nero, I am just so glad you are alive and well... I know you, you would not be this chatty unless you where doing far worse, I know you will recover, dont think about the time for my sake, ill refresh this page every five minutes or so.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the carrot say when he was Chopped. Auch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

man, i read a lot but the are some words i can pronounce

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops