Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the jewish plumber commit suicide? After years abuse from his alcoholic father and rich sibling, he finally snapped and killed himself on his birthday after nobody told him happy birthday.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Timmy mow the lawn? He didn't particularly like the way it looked Why did Timmy fall down the well? He is retarded and thirsty How did Timmy die? He had stage three lung cancer Why cant Timmy drive a car? He has been dead for three years

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my D***

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did Reed read? A. Read?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Never said that friend, anyway I got to put this down, people are asking why I am typing anti jokes. Well, they should all know how much I love spamming by now. ;). Now, you better do not have someone hack this site, it will be a hell of a lot easier explaining this, if this information is not recovered much later, days after getting hacked away. Give it three months, half a year or so, and I will contact you if you like. Have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land... it's called having a swimming pool

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Yo mama is so fat, she just had a heart-attack. She's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

What did the farmer say when he lost his pig? Wheres my Pig?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whats fleash color fleash color and fleashcolor? a naked hobo rolling down a hill

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats short blonde and speaks spanish? my spanish teacher Mrs. Inman

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? One, unless she's too short, in which case she may get someone else to do it for her.

thumb_up thumb_down +567

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Hitler kill himself? He realized what he'd gotten himself into and became severely depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Three blind men walk into a bar, and, no... wait, sorry just one; so one blind man walked into a bar, and... uh, okay, so it was actually more of a small post. This is pretty much just a plausible, yet unfortunate event. My bad.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

3 blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The 1 blonde says they're deer tracks. The 2 blonde says they're elk tracks. The 3 blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did Adam Sandler get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. The horse unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Knock knock. Who's there? Just use the peephole. I am.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What does Jerry Sandusky and bills have in common? A: They both come in the mail

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What happened when Sally got hit by a truck? WHO CARES CALL 911!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops