Why do dogs lick their balls? Why? Because they can.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Does this smell like chloroform to you?

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a man walks into a bar, it hurt.

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Chuck Norris.

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What's the difference between a duck and a bicycle? They both have handlebars. Except for the duck.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Why did the weird, creepy old man in the beat up van give ice cream to the little girl? Because his company went bankrupt and as part of a court order, he was thereby forced to give away the remaining contents of his inventory to those who seeked it.

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Yo mama's so ugly, she has difficulty attracting a partner.

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Lamborghini mercy, yo chick she so thirsty Swerve, swerve

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What is an Anti-Joke? This is.

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What do you call a orange striped zebra? No not a tiger stupid its a orange striped zebra duh!

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Rob Bell

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Why was the Asian so good at ping-pong? Disciprine.

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When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

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Today I exchanged money for Meth. There is no joke here. I'm a drug addict

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Why did Adele suck the doctors dick? LOL, did you think the doctor really got her to open her mouth all the time so he could "look at her sick throat"

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Guess who is violent. Osama

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Why doesn't stevie wonder play snooker? Because it's not very popular in the US.

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What is the square root of 69? 8.30662386

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do you know what was a good idea? not last night

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What is this, a center for ants? No, this is a model of the building proportionally smaller than the one we will be building.

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Knock knock Who's there A drummer A drummer who I'm not knocking on your door

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Goats are like mushrooms, If you shoot a duck im scared of toasters

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped six's mom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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