I hate when people see me at the store and are like "What are you doing here??" and Im just like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."

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Why do new moms put "BABY ON BOARD" stickers on the backs of their cars? No reason. Hitting someone's car baby inside or not is against the law and very dangerous for passengers of any age.

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what is green and smells bad? an orange dolphin that poops out rainbows.

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"your momma's so fat that she died in her sleep last night," said the doctor. "There was nothing we could do."

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Dear Chase. You are retarded Your jokes suck Violets are red jump off a bridge

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What did the black man say to the Jew? Hi.

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Isn't a coincidence that the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the 4th of July are on the same day? Weird

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homo-sexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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lol this is the best joke ever!

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe.

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what do you call a brown man that has been repeatedly shanked and has been fucked up the arse by 10 Rag heads in one night and thrown in a well to slowly and painfully die? Lloyd.

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What's worse then spilling milk? Instantaneous Human Combustion

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What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree? The Holocaust.

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What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? Where's my farmer??????

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How do you stop the baby from touching the stove? Cut of its arms.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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why dont black people go on cruises? there not falling for that one again

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Q. Why did the Mexican have to go back to Mexico? A. His mom died in an auto accident and no one in her village could afford to organize a proper funeral.

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Why did the dog smile? It didn't. Humans are the only creatures on planet Earth capable of smiling, therefore, dogs are unable to smile.

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Two cows are standing in a field One cow says "Mooooo"..... and the other cow says "mooooo" also because they are both cows and cannot speak

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Manchester City

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How do you scare Sarah Palin? You chase her around with a chainsaw while wearing a Jason mask.

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how do you wake up lady gaga? poker face

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Why was the Microsoft fan happy? Because Steve Jobs died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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