Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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What happens when you read every anti-joke on anti-joke? You spend a lot of time in front of a screen. This means you should have a 10-15 minute break, so that your sinuses can rest and you don't develop a headache.

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Three guys went hunting on a rainy day. The first guy slipped.

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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I walk into Tesco and wrestle an obese women for a packet of ''Mini's Biscuits''. This quarrel was over nothing but a trolley filled with them. I gradually became infuriated. Meanwhile, an employee commited suicide.

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knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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Many men trespass on my property to taste my milk based beverages. They insist that it's quality is superior to yours. I could teach you how to make such milk based beverages, but I would have to levy a fee.

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If you eat a brussel sprouts-and-ketchup sundae, your tastebuds will likely turn purple and move to France, where people don't eat brussel sprouts-and-ketchup sundaes.

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A teen walks in on his parents having sex. He then vomits in his mouth and shuts the door.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob

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What did little Ben's mom give him for Christmas? Nothing. She died last month

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What's yellow and talks? A talking giraffe.

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Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock, knock Who's there? Lemon Lemon who? Lemon know if you want me to say apple again

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Why did the baby fall off of the swing? Because he had no arms.

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Canada AYY

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what makes the world go round? An axis (just jokin, its COFFEE)

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being molested by a giant octopus.

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I heard you like playing basketball at night. My ears are fully functional in comprehension of human language and therefore I am able to listen and remember words that are told by others.

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A woman catches her husband cheating on her she divorces him in a rather lengthy sequence of meetings in court

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A conversation between friends ( or some what.) Joe: I'm thinking about going out of state for college ... Rick: your mom went to college! Joe: yes she did Rick that's why shes a docker and my families rich.

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whats short blonde and speaks spanish? my spanish teacher Mrs. Inman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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