I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have a pint or two.

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? Dyphis, say goodbye to your kids.

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A man runs into a bar and warns everyone about the hurricane.

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Guess who thinks your pretty? Hellen Keller

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whats better then a pile of dead babies? 2 piles of dead babies

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Q: What happened to the 16 year old pregnant black woman? A: She gave birth to a baby in 9 months.

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a pool.

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What do you do to a little boy who just called you fat? Throw a rhino at him!

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

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Where's my tractor?

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Roses are red violets are blue, your library book is overdue, and if you dont pay the fine...i'll punch you in the mouth.

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Why did the money due? Because it fell out of the tree

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What happens when lady gaga and chris brown jump into the pool at the same exact time. They get wet

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Men's rights.

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Why was Billy sad? An evil clown hit him with an Axe.

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What did the basketball player do before he scored a basket? Shot the basket ball

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Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Charcoal is black, So is my neighbor.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Violets are not blue They are Violet

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How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has Stevie Wonder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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