Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was involved in a homicide at the Children's Hospital resulting in death row right away and the killing of 12 other numbers

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What do Muslims and Jews have in common? Shared humanity.

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I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, the divorce papers were filed soon thereafter.

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Why was the Tyrannosaurus Rex such an aggressive animal? it had short arms so it could not masturbate.

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I am very humble.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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An elephant walks into a bar. He nearly levels the entire structure as he forced his way through the front door.

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whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? my dick wile i do it

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Knock Knock Who's there? A bag of burning crap.

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Why do latins like soccer so much? Because it's a very popular sport in the whole world.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot had a seizure.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "why the long face?" the man replies with "I have AIDS."

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How do you make a sausage roll? Wrap some sausage meat in a pastry dough made of plain flour, water, salt and fat, and bake it in an oven.

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Ring Ring Hello? Click

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why did sally fall off a swing she had no arms knock knock who's there not sally

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What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

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Why didnt little timmy have a pencil? He was poor

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Why is it nice to wear jeans? So people don't see your undies.

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A:what happens when you throw a black guy down from sky-scraper Q:he dies

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What was the little boys least favorite part of Christmas? Getting raped by his uncle.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profits evenly.

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What do you call an Asian pilot? A pilot...

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What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana Your parents must have little regard for your social identity because they named you after a tropical fruit. Either that or you are clinically insane. I am concerned; please leave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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