what do you call a man with a mop? a janitor.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love brought to me Nothing, because we only celebrate one day of Christmas

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Potato!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your momma so poor, she has a hard time paying her bills.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are rose, violets are violet, now shut up you retarded poet!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what meows and is fuzzy and smells like manure? a cat being being killed with a chainsaw next to a cow

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I took my sick iguana to the Vet. He said why did you bring him to me, a former soldier?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-Why did the chicken cross the road? '' I dont know '' -Because it would cross the road and over to you. -Knock knock? '' Who's there?'' - CHICKEN!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what goes in hard and comes out soft? bubblegum, what were you thinking?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar. Realizing that he left his keys in his car, he called a locksmith to unlock the doors. He did not have money to pay this locksmith and was put in prison for his large sums of debt. He was shanked by a fellow inmate and died a few days later in the prison's hospital ward.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what did the murderer say to the man... i'm going to kill you

thumb_up thumb_down

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and the holocaust? A pile of dead babies isn't funny

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the black surgeon get fired? The hospital was low on funds due to the economic crisis, and had to let a few employees go.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Ok so, we have bread , tofu, coolwhip

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a white man and a black man? Their skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Whats the thing you least expect to find on Anti-Joke? A joke with a punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What did the anorexic girl do for thanksgiving? A: Nothing, she was paralyzed from a fall 2 days prior and nobody had found her yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Abbie has head so far up her arse, it just LOOKS like it's coming out her neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What was Michael Jackson doing at the Dermatologist's office? He was getting a mole on his back examined to be sure it wasn't cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Yo' momma's so black, I hope she didn't experience any racism growing up in school.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops