What's blue and looks just like water? Water.

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What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

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Why did the black guy buy a jug of grape soda Because he was thirsty

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What's green and has four wheels? A dolphin. I lied about it having four wheels. I lied about it being green. I lied about the whole thing.

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When Chuck Norris claps, his two hands slam together, creating rather loud soud.

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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If you were expecting an antijoke you have come to the wrong place however here is a good recipe for a cake: Ingredients 2-1/2 cups 2% milk 1 cup butter, cubed 8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 3 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt FILLING: 6 tablespoons butter, cubed 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream GANACHE: 10 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream Directions In a large saucepan, cook the milk, butter and chocolate over low heat until melted. Remove from the heat; let stand for 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 325°. In a large bowl, beat eggs and vanilla; stir in chocolate mixture until smooth. Combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt; gradually add to chocolate mixture and mix well (batter will be thin). Transfer to three greased and floured 9-in. round baking pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely. For filling, in a small saucepan, melt butter and chocolate. Stir in confectioners' sugar and cream until smooth. For ganache, place chocolate in a small bowl. In a small saucepan, bring cream just to a boil. Pour over chocolate; whisk until smooth. Cool, stirring occasionally, until ganache reaches a spreading consistency. Place one cake layer on a serving plate; spread with half of the filling. Repeat layers. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread ganache over top and sides of cake. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 16 servings.

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A black person in the NHL

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Neither does the chicken. (you're supposed to laugh...)

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Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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How do you get rich? Sell knives at warped tour.

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Roses are red violets are blue. I have amnesia so say hello to your nan when you get home

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What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Nothing. Fish cannot speak

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Why couldn't Mary see the painting? Because she had no face.

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Q: How do you confuse a blond A: You don't they are born that way

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What's worse then three frogs playing leap frog? Nothing that would be awesome

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Why didn't the 13 year old Black boy have any friends? He was autistic and didn't connect properly with people.

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Why couldn't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? He was struck by a very serious disease, otherwise known as refrigerator to the face, at the age of 5.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The customers observing this quickly leave because the bartender is talking to a horse, which does not talk.

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Two computers walk into a bar I forget the rest

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil armstrong Neil armstrong walks on the moon...Michael Jackson molests little boys

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? wanna go ride bikes?

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Knock Knock Who's there Me Me who ME LET ME IN

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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