Q. What's a pirate's favorite type of movie? A. It depends on the individual pirate, although most modern-day pirates are from third world countries like Somalia and so are too poor to be able to watch many movies. Classical pirates like those depicted in Treasure Island or Pirates of the Carribean are, of course, from a period of history before movies had been invented, so couldn't possibly have had a favorite.

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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What did Helen Keller say after the Iron Maiden show? Nothing, she is a mute.

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A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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Why did the gay kid drop his ice cream Because he got punched in the face.

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What did the Iraqi Suicide bomber bring on the airplane? His Kindle, he enjoys reading books

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Justin Bieber.

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I'm a psychic. Don't believe me? Think of any number between 1 and 20. Got it? Your number is 17. Please comment if I got it right

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mom. Your mom who? Its your mom now open the danm door!

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Ask me if I am a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

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Roses are red Violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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Why does Jeremy Kyle love his job? Because he gets to make idiots look like bigger idiots.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, due to the lack of details, there could be many reasons, such as the possibility that there was a cornfield on the other side, he got scared by a loud noise behind him and ran across the street, or just plain old curiosity, but whatever it may be, right now, we do not know the cause.

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Why is five afraid of six? Because six seven eight. (Note: The language of numbers is Subject-Object-Verb, rather than Subject-Verb-Object like English.)

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe, When he woke up one night he discovered with fright, That the friendly old neighbor from next door had broken into his house with a chain saw in an alcohol-induced murder attempt.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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A gay guy and a blind man walk into a bar. It's a gay bar. The blind man is also gay.

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to make the bed? How many Alzheimer patients does it take to make the bed? How many Alzheimer patients does it take to make the bed? How ma......

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How do you drown a blonde? A: Drowing any person no matter the color of their hair is conpletely illegal and considered murder.

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Q:What is yellow and has wheels A: A banana I was joking about the wheels

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Why did the monkey sit on the toilet? To have a bowelmovement

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops