How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?????

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A little boy falls into the mud Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

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When life gives you lemons make lemonade, when life gives you apples make apple juice, when life gives you cranberries make cranberrie juice and then when live gives you mangos, Eat them :)

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

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Q. What has two legs and is covered in red stuff? A. Half a dog

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." The man of the house subsequently notifies his government that genetic engineering is going awry.

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being mentally retarded.

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Looks through the peephole.

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A man walks down the street past a flamboyant homosexual male and kills him in a hate crime. This homosexual was Dylan Glogowski

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Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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man1:did you know hellen keller had a dog? man2: no man1: neither did she

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What did the dyslexic boy get for Christmas? A laptop. And he was very happy.

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Why did the man walk into the grocery store? Because he had run out of peanut butter

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What does mens "man sauce" and babies have in common? They're both fun to make and easy to kill...

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?".

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What did the boy with cancer get for christmas? -A haircut

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What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

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a bumble bee walked into a bar, looking tired and worn out. 'long day, eh?' said the barman. 'yes' replied the bee. 'i was flying along to collect some honey when i noticed a large obstical obstructing me. i stuck my pointy needle in it, and according to legend, i will die in short hours to come' suddenly michael jacksons thriller flicked on in the jukebox, the bumble bee boogied all night long until he slowly passes away in the early hours of the morning. long live boogie bee.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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what do a fish and wood have in common? when they're dead, they float

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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Three penguins sitting in a tub. The first penguin says to the third penguin, "Hey would you pass the soap?" The penguin in the middle says, "What do you think I am a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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