Bob: If two negatives make a positive, what would be an anti-anti-joke? Tim: An anti-joke

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What did the asshole say to his friend behind him? Fart

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What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

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Girl: I wrote a poem. Boy: Let's hear it! Girl: I like you, thats a start. You don't, so we are growing apart. In my heart there's a little tear, its funny to see how much you care. I hate the way you played my heart. You never finish what you start. Boy: Cool. Whose is for? Girl: You... Boy: Wow ummm, I have to go to......................yeah bye.

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What's dry and unpleasant to eat? Sand.

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Why Tom is Gay ? Because brocoly didnt eat a mashroom .

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Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

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What did the horse say to the man? The man woke up from his dream so he didn't know either

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How many women are in the world? a little over 3.2 billion because statistics show that there are roughly 51-52% females in the whole population of humans

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven had a huge ass mole

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how do you open a can of coke with no tab? throw a washing machine at it

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*knock knock "there's a door bell"

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A man drove up to a drive-thru. He ordered a coke, but the lady at the window spilled it on his lap. He promptly changed his clothes and accepted the lady's apology.

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Neither does he.

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What do shoes and boxes have in common Both will get squashed if a washing machine lands on one of them

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what is a bike without wheels? not a bike.

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What do you get if you cross a bomb expert, and a homophob? a blowjob

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Once upon a time, a story teller used the "once upon a time" metaphor in order to tell you your parents have died in a terrible accident

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A Muslim and 2 French people walked into a bar They start to have a nice conversation about Charlie Hebdo

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he suffered severe blood loss and is most likely dead.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple.

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Your mother is so retarded. How retarded is she? Very retarded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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