A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender can you throw me a beer and the bartender says yes and he throws him the beer and the man says I can't catch I have the smallest hands in the world and the bartender says go across the street there is a guineas book of world record store an check if you h e the smallest hands and he does so the next day he goes back and asks for another beer and the bartender throws him a beer and say I cant catch cause I have the smallest feet in the world and he goes across the street and checks and he does and then the third day he goes back to the bar and asks for a beer and the bartendor throws him another beer and says I can't catch I have the smallest penis in the world so he goes to the guiness book o world record store and then goes bac to the bar and asks..... Who's austin bell?????

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what did the left foot say to the right foot? Nothing, feet don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the blind orphan get for christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't she get up? She had no legs. *Knock knock* Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are red, violets are blue When I cut you, you bleed

thumb_up thumb_down -7

There once was a girl with only one buttcheek. She couldn't go poop. She died.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the duck cross the road? Because he wanted to. Problem, AntiJoke community?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Ben Colbert is gay

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:What does a virgin and a penny both have in common? A:Guys don't want them.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the difference between a male porsche driver and a porcupine? with porcupines,the pricks are on the outside.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the blonde get a good occupation? Because she had a great education in a private school.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the cripple wish for when he saw the shooting star? A toothbrush.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the old lady have a heart attack? She got raped by a giraffe.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr.dre

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Timmy lose the race? He had no legs

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock Who's there its me... we need to talk go away tod. i told you never to come back here babe, just open the door why? so you can beat me again? i said i was sorry! i just want to see my little girl... well maybe you should of been there for us! babe... i love you you lying son of a bitch... you dont deserve us open the damn door or i will beat it down im calling the cops YOU BETTER NOT BITCH! I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! tod... please... get out come here no... NO! get the hell off of me!!!! HELP!! RAPE!! RAPE!!! SHUT UP WHORE (crying) please... please... ...mommy? SARAH! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! MOMMY LOVES YOU! ooh.. theres my little girl. you miss daddy? GET AWAY FROM HER!!! SHUT UP BITCH! come give daddy a hug what have you done to mommy? what you want some too? SARAH I SAID GET OUT THE HOUSE! GET HELP! ...mommy im scared... (sob) oh your crying? you want something to cry about? OH ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! .... you better get the hell out of here tod.. whoah... babe where did you get a gun GET OUT babe... put the gun down... relax NO YOU RELAX! all these years ive been raising this baby. without you. all by myself. and i dont want you in the picture now. ILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE ill see you in hell... (BANG) (BANG)

thumb_up thumb_down +34

what happend when the AntiJoke Crossed the road? It pooped in the ... HIT BY A REFRIGERATOR.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, She gave me AIDS, and I gave 'em to you! <3 <3

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's white and moves at a glacial pace? A glacier.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was the bus driver sad? The kid with the icecream had c4 strapped to his chest.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red Violets are red I'm bleeding quite profusely I should proably go to the hospital

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops