Why did the man shut up? because he was told to

thumb_up thumb_down -64

When Kylie and Conner have a baby he will have a centimeter Schmeter!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock! who is there? its knock! knock who??? knock knock... who is there.... i told you its knock... knock who??? knock knock... WHO IS THERE!! OMG I TOLD YOU ITS KNOCK! KNOCK WHO!! WHO IS KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK OMG WTF! HOLY SHIT WHO IS THERE! ITS KNOCK WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER OUR WHOLE LIVES! KNOCK WHO?? KNOCK KNOCK WHY DONT YOU REMEMBER ME! oh knock knock from next door! who is there???? jk.. knock...knock......omg put down the gun knock knock stop i love you knock its not worth it!! NO KNOC!!! GUNSHOT* KNOCK NOOOOO!!! I LOVED YOU SOMEONE CALL 911!! OMG KNOCK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH KNOCK WHY!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do two siblings have in common? They both want the other to get hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A black guy wearing a mask runs into a store, points his gun at the cashier, steals some money and runs out. The police start an investigation the following morning

thumb_up thumb_down +18

One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There is a blonde a Burnett and a red head. Life goes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

hey I just met you and this is crazy but get in my van

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people and regularly attend a synagogue and pizza is and italian food that many people find to be enjoyable to eat

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than losing your job? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a dear with no eyes? A victim of animal cruelty.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

thumb_up thumb_down +10

/\ The joke above was really dumb. \/ The joke below is pretty good.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

PENIS

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Okay so there was a turtle, a pig, and a donkey. They were out fishing when suddenly they spot a man in boat. The man said he hasn't eaten in 5 days and he is very hungry. He looked at the turtle and said "no, too much shell." The turtle was happy and left. He looked at the pig and said "no, too much fat." The pig ran away and was very happy. He looked at the donkey and said "I think I'll have donkey today." The donkey ran away because he was scared. The man died from hunger.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Yo momma's so fat that her weight is completely disproportional to the average weight of someone her age.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's better then 100 dead babies in a barrel 1 dead baby in 100 barrels

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Colin is gay but toasters are not

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the blind kid say to his dad Nothing , his dads dead

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats the difference of how a hot blonde and an ugly red head got in to the same collage with a sex addicted dean? Nothing they were both very smart inteligent women with respectables GPA

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the man pick the flower? Because he didn't like flowers.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

My mom so fat, when she jumps gravity pushed her away from the ground

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops